co-parenting with my mom

My son and I love talking about my mom. We talk about how they used to play together, and it astonishes me that my son can remember things he did at the age of 4 or younger. A lot of kids later in life don't remember those ages. Maybe it's because he's still close to that age or maybe he just REALLY loved his Nana and remembers her that well, but he can bring up things I can't remember!

It came to my attention not too long ago however, that he was told my mother raised him and not me. I have to say that this pisses me off. Yes, my mother helped me in so many ways. I never moved out so of course he had extended family in this house. My mother babysat for me, so I didn't have to pay for daycare and yes, she watched him for me to go out with friends, however, that didn't happen often and it was HER idea. Her words were “why pay strangers to watch him when he can be with family for free.” I also used my paychecks when I was working to buy groceries, help with bills, and I did the cooking and cleaning around here.

For the first year of my son's life, I took him to every appointment, fed him 90% of his meals and rocked him to sleep 95% of the time. My mother was with there WITH me through all of this. I was 19 when my son was born. My mother helped me through all of the sleepless nights, mounds of baby clothes and various doctors’ appointments but not once in that first year did I request or expect her do it, neither alone nor with me, and she didn’t take care of him alone. We did it together, like a married couple would. She was my son's "father" during that year.

In 2005 after his first birthday, I began college on campus. My mother watched my son for me while I was in class. Generally, I came straight home from classes and occasionally I would call my mother and ask if I could hang out with friends after class. If she said she didn't mind, then I would stay out for a couple hours, but I was always home to rock my son to sleep. When I began working that would sometimes change as I was in school all day and at work until we closed at 11 every night. I'd get home after midnight and if my son woke up, I cared for him and got him back to sleep. It was no different than a married couples’ relationship except she was my mother. She was the father my son didn't have. His father was off playing daddy to a brood of children that were NOT his. During the times I was working and going to school, the ONLY time I went out after work was if mom told me my son was sleeping well and probably wouldn't wake up, or if he was actually at his fathers for the weekend. During this time, my mother did take my son to appointments and oftentimes she was the one to deliver him to his father or pick him up from his father, however, it was not because I was out partying. It was because I was trying to get an education and earn a paycheck.

During the time I was in classes online, and working from 7am-6pm every day, I went grocery shopping with MY money, fed MY family on MY paychecks and came home and cooked dinner for everyone in this house. It was a fair trade for my family and for my mother to watch my son. She saved me money in daycare fees and I took care of the family. There are those that only got ONE side of the story or only saw what they wanted to see. My son was very close to my mother and he misses her dearly all the time. For that, I will never regret the way he was raised, especially those first 4 (almost 5) years of his life. If anyone has a problem with that or thinks that I didn't care for my own son, screw you. I was and still am a good mother. My love for my son and his love for me is proof of that. While most teenagers his age would rather be out with friends or anywhere but home, he’s totally fine with watching a movie on Netflix and chilling with his mom, and trust me, he has a lot of friends who like to come over here and hang out so it’s not for a lack of a social life on his part. I have nothing to apologize for when it comes to how he was raised. He was and still is loved a ton, and that’s all that matters.