Why does my weight bother you??????

Setting aside many peoples’ obvious explanation of “taxpayers dollars pay for your healthcare when you choose to not take care of yourself,” why does my weight really bother you? Seriously, let’s set that aside, because not all “large” people make themselves fat, and believe it or not, many people pay for their OWN health coverage when they need the help.

Another fun little fact for you “fat shamers” out there, not all skinny people are healthy. Some eat the worst food on the planet and just metabolize it faster than others. Please, don’t ask me for research. I’ve done it but to be honest, if you’ve read any of my other blog posts, you’ll know I tend to tell you to do your own. Let’s not get things twisted here and assume I’m too lazy to post the links. I’m not. I honestly believe people learn from doing their own research. When I have a question, I look for an answer on my own. I don’t simply ask someone who might know. Sure, I talk to my friends and discuss these things, but I also do the research myself because no one knows everything. I tell my son the same thing. When he asks a question, I give him the answer if I know it but I also tell him to google it and look for reliable sources. One of the main things I did in college was research papers. That is not an exaggeration. Ninety percent of my school work required some form of research and many of it was writing papers based on that research. They will deduct points for using non-reliable sources so you learn quick to weed out the ones that are just people spouting what they think they know. I have expressed this to my son on so many occasions. You can’t believe everything you read or hear so research and decide what’s legit and what isn’t.

Enough of me pushing you to research and learn things on your own and back to my original thoughts. I am a large girl and yes, I did this to myself. Growing up, we were originally pushed, by my mother, to eat healthy. My mother battled anorexia and bulimia her entire life from high school beyond. Even after we were born, she’d either eat healthy, like a bird, or not at all. Twice a year she’d actually eat, and I mean eat, but it wasn’t necessarily healthy. These times were Christmas when she would devour box after box of chocolate covered cherries, and Girl Scout cookie time when she’d buy hundreds of dollars of Thin Mints. Just smelling peppermint patties makes me think of her and reminds me of those times. When we were born and for many years after, my mother made a relatively healthy home cooked meal every night and made sure our snacks consisted of fruit from the trees we had in our own yard or pairings like celery sticks and ranch or peanut butter but never in huge portions. We were living in two places at once at the time. We lived in one house during the week and on the weekends we came home to the place my dad grew up. When he was promoted to a higher position and relocation came with that position, we moved back to his childhood town permanently. It was around this time that my mother got tired of being a mom, for lack of better words. She became tired of cooking every night, cleaning up dishes half the night and doing everything while we did nothing and honestly, didn’t show any appreciation. Living in two homes before, we had chores and allowance. It was tough for her to keep up with two houses and it was our job to help. When we moved for good, we became lazy and when mom and dad would fight over us, dad would just buy us all off. Literally. He’d spoil us with whatever we wanted and to keep mom happy he’d do the same with her. My family kind of fell apart. Mom gave up and let us do what we wanted. This included eating what we wanted. We went from home cooked meals every night to microwave dinners or canned ravioli or whatever we chose ourselves on our weekly grocery shopping trips. For me this consisted of a lot of junk food. She didn’t feel like fighting us in the grocery store so we got what we wanted there. Of course my sister got my mother’s metabolism and can eat anything without gaining a pound. I on the other hand did not inherit that wonderful gene. If I even look at a pack of cookies, I gain five pounds. Back then I didn’t care. I was like 6 years old. Back then, 6 year olds didn’t care about their size or really how they looked. My mother didn’t like it so much. Because of her disgust with fat, she ridiculed me all the time. I was always fat and disgusting, but she never took the cookies and ice cream from me. Am I blaming her? No, not entirely, but yes, partially. Instead of calling me fat, she could’ve told me she wanted me to be healthier and she could’ve stopped buying the junk food. Instead it was easier to let me do what I want, think I was gross looking and ridicule me. I honestly believe that she thought if she said it enough, it would make me want to eat better and lose weight. Honestly, it only made me eat more. Part of it was depression and part of it was just trying to show her that I didn’t care.

Sure, in high school I got picked on for being fat. The part I always found ironic was that most of the girls doing the picking were the same size or bigger than me. To this day I’m really not sure why they thought my fat was worse than theirs, but the beauty of it was, I quit caring early on. I had a boyfriend who loved every inch of me. It wasn’t until I found out that I was pregnant, that I really began caring. I ate somewhat better during my pregnancy and afterwards. I only gained 15lbs during my pregnancy and 7lbs11oz was baby. I was 230lbs after he was born and stayed that way for two and a half years. Mind you, I was 180lbs when I graduated high school and gave birth to my son a year and a half later. I wasn’t losing weight and didn’t try to but I wasn’t gaining and swore I never would. That never works! I should’ve known better! Setting aside his weight, I had gained pretty much 50lbs in that time frame. I went to college a year after my son was born and after a year and a half of on campus classes, I spent my summer taking hybrid courses. Instead of running back and forth on a college campus all day five days a week, I was sitting at home doing my school work on a computer. I was bored and I snacked the entire time. By the time I had my annual gynecology appointment the following April I weighed in at 330. I gained 100lbs in less than a year!!! I was actually ashamed and it didn’t help that my OB said, and I quote, “you need to lose weight no matter what. I don’t care if you have to starve yourself.” What doctor tells someone that? He’s no longer my gynecologist and to be honest, I seriously thought about starving myself just to sue his ass. I realized before I did that, that it wouldn’t help anyone and would only hurt me in the long run.

You’d think that would’ve given me motivation but no, it didn’t. I was just ashamed and felt disgusting. I was wearing clothes that were too big to hide my rolls and my huge thighs. I was still snacking on junk food and being born and raised in the south, most of our meals consisted of fried foods. I was cooking dinner for my whole family so I cooked what I liked. My family didn’t complain! Again people, we’re from the south. Fried food is a delicacy around these here parts!!! Yes, I meant to type it like that.

I was trying in some ways though. For a while I went walking every day, then I got lazy. I started eating more vegetables and having them with dinner every night but that still didn’t help. It wasn’t until I saw the weight beginning to pack on to my then 10-year-old son that I felt terrible. I hated that he would turn out like me one day. I wasn’t ashamed of how he looked and I’ve always made sure he’s known that. When we talk about food, I always tell him I want him to eat healthier because I don’t want him to have to deal with all the health risks my family lineage carries: heart attack, diabetes, stroke, cancer and so many other things. I never tell him he’s fat or gross because to me he is the most amazing child I know and I don’t want to crush his spirit like my mom crushed mine. I also don’t think he’s fat or gross but he is overweight for his age. He’s not huge, he’s only overweight by a few pounds, but I know it could only get worse if I didn’t do something. I still didn’t exercise or become physical but we did start eating better. We began pressure cooking, slow cooking, and baking most of our meals. We’d choose leaner cuts of meat and chicken and healthier types of fish. We use as little oil and grease as possible. It was a baby step for us.

It wasn’t until January 2015 when my doctor HAD to put me on blood pressure pills that reality hit. It probably doesn’t help things that I started smoking right after that too. I loved it though. The cigarettes helped calm me down and loosen my stress and they also suppressed my appetite. I lost 50lbs last year. I was at 360 when I started and I’m currently at 310. I know that’s still not great by any means, but I am more comfortable in my skin. I wear tighter clothes but not trashy. I just wear clothes that fit my shape and enhance my better areas, yes, boobs and ass! I’m a work in progress. I want to get off my meds, sleep better at night and most importantly, I want to be here for my son. I want to be able to do things physically with him, like ride bikes, play sports, practice with him without getting winded. Most importantly I want to live for him. I want to see him walk across that stage in 6 years and earn his high school diploma. I want to see him graduate college if that’s the path he chooses, and get married and have kids of his own. I want to be around for all that and healthy while I’m at it. I don’t want to lose weight to be “cute.” I’m already friggin’ adorable! I want to lose weight to be healthy.

Like I pointed out before, not all skinny people are healthy though, so I’m smart enough to know that just losing weight isn’t enough. I need to exercise to stay fit and keep my heart strong. I need to eat healthier so I’m not packing my body full of unnatural fatty toxic things that make me weaker.

Most importantly, when I’m trying to be a better person food wise, I try to really involve my son. I want him to make healthier choices solely because I don’t want him to go through what I’m going through and I don’t want him to end up with so many health issues associated with eating poorly. I urge you to read the contents of the food you buy in the store, choose more natural foods, grow your own if you can, and if you have kids, eat healthy for and with them and never ever tell them they’re disgusting, or fat, or gross. Teach them healthier ways because you want them to be healthy, not because you want them to be skinny or cute (according to you).

happy dead soldier day

I am sure that when people read that title, IF people even read it, that I’m going to get all sorts of hate comments and evil things said to me before they even read the post itself. I may also still get hateful remarks, but the thing about me is, I don’t care. I honestly don’t. I write what I know, I write what I feel. If people are willing to hate me for that without really knowing who I am, then so be it.

Now, back to the title of this post and my reason for writing it. Today is just that, it’s a day created for remembering those military personnel who have died while serving this country. Don’t get me wrong, as a child, we loved Memorial Day, because we were still in school at this time and it gave us an extra day off. Ironically, my son’s school has decided this year that they will attend Memorial Day for half of a day as a make-up day for bad weather we had last year in which they missed several days of school. Man, I said “day” a lot in that last sentence.

We’ve never really partied hard for Memorial Day or anything like that, and we’ve rarely used it as an excuse to cook out. This year, we are supposed to be having friends over and grilling out, but honestly, it’s not really because of the day that it is. It’s because most of our friends happen to be off for the “holiday” and is the only time we can all get together for a cook-out. I feel like a hypocrite as I write this. I really do, and I’m embracing it. I truly am because I know all of that sounds like bullshit. Here I am, getting ready to condemn those who use this day as an excuse to party, when we’re planning on doing the same thing. Well, at least I can admit it. At least I can sit here and type and tell you all that yes, Memorial Day will be a cook-out day for us. But that’s not what the day is about.

I have seen so many social media posts containing memorials and articles and such, basically saying, let’s remember those who have fallen for our rights. Then they turn around and party at the beach, have cook-outs, get super drunk and don’t even think about the dead. It’s another day to party and have fun. It’s an excuse for a long weekend. It’s an excuse to hit up all the amazing sales and get new stuff dirt cheap. Why has everything become so commercialized anyway? A day for remembering the dead has turned into a day of fun, festivities and shopping. Those who died, died for us to be able to do all this fun stuff and to me it seems like we’re just spitting on their graves. I’d like to think that I take it a little more seriously than many do because I do remember them. I remember many friends who have died in service. I remember family members barely making it back alive. I know many friends who have lost family and friends of their own while fighting for this country. I keep in touch with troops, send care packages and such, but I guess the reality is, I’m a hypocrite because as stated earlier, we are getting together for a cook-out. Hindsight now tells me that if we truly wanted to honor those fallen, we’d have visited a military cemetery, those we know who have fallen, visited families of those who’ve lost loved ones, volunteered somewhere, something other than eating and drinking a few beers.

Next year I’ll be better and I hope the rest of the country will too.

who doesn't love a great house????

So, last year we HAD to renovate our kitchen. We had NO CHOICE. The floor literally fell through, with my son standing on it. Don't worry, no one was hurt. His foot went through a little and he was able to move quickly to avoid going any further. Turns out the water line running to the ice machine in the freezer had a hole in it. How that happened I have no clue! Regardless, it leaked under the cabinet and we didn't know because the subfloor under the ceramic tile absorbed it, held it and rotted everything underneath.

ANYWAY, I have chosen NOW, more than a year later, to become obsessed with house hunting and fixer upper shows. Perhaps it’s because there are so many other areas of this house that we still have to fix up and replace and renovate. It all sounds so exhausting just typing that. Watching these shows, I realize quite a few things we’ve done wrong with our renovations, however, at the moment, our kitchen and bedroom function and provide what we need. So they’re staying as is. Aside from learning a few things, I also realize how aggravated I get with these people. I realize it’s for entertainment, so obviously they only show us a select few when we really know they did more or showed more houses, however, you have to admit that you want to strangle most of these people upon watching these shows. Let’s start with the house hunting shows.

House Hunters

Budget:

I recently watched an episode with a blended family. When the husband and wife met, she had 5 kids, he had 2. They married and added one more. She stays at home. Doesn’t work. How in the hell can they afford a $1.685 million dollar home?????? She’s a widow so maybe she off’ed her husband for a sizeable life insurance policy. Who knows!?!? I just wonder how half of these people have the budgets they have. New college graduates with a $900k budget. Single mom with a $800k budget and 5 kids. REALLY!!!!

Lack of communication between buyers:

Clearly spouses do not communicate with each other before taping the show. Neither knows what the other one wants and they argue about what they like about each house. I’m honestly surprised they can knock all this down into a 30 minute episode.

Open concept:

I realize this is popular now. Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to be in my kitchen and look into the living room and see friends or family. However, I’m sick of people whining about open concept homes or lack thereof, when there’s actually a version of it in the house. What I mean by this, if there is a wall between your living room and kitchen but there’s a huge gaping cut out in the wall, big enough for people to jump through, IT’S OPEN CONCEPT DAMMIT!

Perfect house, minor imperfections:

Don’t get me wrong. I understand wanting your home to perfect, especially those desiring a turn-key home. However, if the only thing you dislike is paint color in a few rooms, get off your ass, buy brushes and paint and paint it yourself. Or if your budget is $200k and you get the home for $100k, PAY SOMEONE TO PAINT! It’s really that simple.

Speaking of imperfections:

If your budget is $200k, you’re not going to get all the amenities of a $700k home. It’s not going to happen. Face it. Deal with it. Get over it. You’re going to have to give on something!

Toying with other peoples’ stuff:

I realize many of these homes are “staged” but some are not. Some of that stuff really belongs to the people currently living there. Laying in their bed, crawling in their tub, not acceptable, in my humble opinion. It’s weird and creepy. Don’t do it.

Over budget:

I get that money is money. I’m poor by many peoples’ standards and I’m TOTALLY fine with that. I have friends, family and I do have somewhere to live. I’m good. However, if you’re looking for a home and it’s $1k over budget, you can afford it. Negotiation. Many people get homes for less than listing price so don’t stand on national television going “it’s so high and so much over budget!” Unless you’re RENTING, that’s not over budget.

Moving on…

Tiny House Nation/Tiny House Hunters

Basically, everything I said before still applies here, however, there is one other thing that drives me nuts about this show in particular.

It’s too small:

Well duh. What did you expect? You can’t say in front of the world, “we’re looking to downsize and lead a simpler life” and then turn around and say “but there’s not enough room for all my clothes.” Well again, it’s a TINY HOUSE. It’s meant for living and function, not indulging in millions of dollars’ worth of materialistic things. Plain and simple. I know it’s a transition but if you’re ready for the transition then you can surely get rid of some of your stuff.

On to the fixer upper shows!

Love It or List It

I absolutely love this show, however, I want to choke homeowners from EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.

Let’s start with your HOME renovations. If your home was built in the 50s and not updated, please do not give Hilary a tiny budget then get pissed at HER when you can’t have a brand new home because she found a leak in your water lines or something with the electrical that was hidden behind a wall. Be thankful that she kept your home from flooding or burning down. Seriously, there’s only so much she can do.

Something else that really annoys me about people and their budget. If your home is CURRENTLY valued at $700k and we all know that the value will go up with ANY renovations, then please, I don't want to see you get really upset over the perfect home that's $10-$100k over your budget of $750k. First of all, if you were selling your home as is, you were only borrowing $50k to begin with to purchase a new home. Assuming your homes value increases by $80-$150k, you'll be EARNING money from the sale of your home. You'll come out with a profit of $30k and above! I understand you borrowed money most likely to renovate your home, but you'll still come out either breaking even or with profit so stop grumbling about the home when you love it and it's perfect for your family. If you'll break even or come out with money in your pocket, GREAT. The last episode I watched, the new value of their home was $775k and the home they wanted was $800k. It was originally $50k over their budget and is now only $25k over budget. You're going to have to borrow $25k. That is NOT A LOT when your current homes original value, with no renovations, was $650k but you were going to purchase a home for $750k. You were willing to borrow $100k but now you're grumbling about borrowing $25k. I'm so confused.

If you’re unhappy in your space and David finds you a home with everything you need, where you want, at or UNDER your budget, then stop complaining about a paint color or placement of a staged couch! Seriously. All that shit will be gone when you move in or can be quickly taken care of with a paintbrush and paint.

Something else that kills me about people with spacious homes. If there’s only two people living in a 4 bedroom house with 3 bathrooms, a garage, a home office, a huge kitchen and a huge living room, please do not complain about space, when we can clearly see that 2 bedrooms look like an episode of hoarders and your living room has 8 chairs and 3 sofas. CLEAN UP AND ORGANIZE YOUR SHIT. If you have a 2000 sq. ft. home and there’s only two of you, you can make it work. Trust me. There are 4 people, 1 dog and 2 cats in my small double wide trailer and we’re just fine!

Fixer Upper

This show is just hilarious! Seriously. People BUY these homes with the intention of turning them into their dream homes but then complain about budget or issues with the foundation or having to rewire the entire home. If you pick the ugliest, most screwed up looking home, you should realize that it's going to be work and it's going to take money. Did you not think about what you were getting into before you went the route of a fixer upper??????

I'd also like to discuss one more show that I have recently become obsessed with and I have NO CLUE WHY! Flip or Flop.....

I love watching them turn something horrible into something great. What I don't get, is how they manage to get houses that have to be partially torn down and such. Ok, so there have been tons of episodes where they bought homes with non-permitted additions that have to be torn down and they get so upset because it takes away the value of the home because they lose a room. Explain to me how once they finish the home, they have to have an inspection before it can be listed and if someone makes an offer, it has to be appraised, but all this doesn't have to be completed when the home is originally listed and they purchase is to flip. Is it the sites they find the homes listed on? Is this some weird law that California has? I just don't get it. You would think if it has to be inspected and appraised AFTER being flipped, then it should be before it's sold the first time around.

Also, I'm getting sick of seeing them get screwed over because they pay someone to do a job and it has to be done again because the job wasn't done AND they have to pay again. Maybe this is a set up for television. I honestly do not know. However, I will say, if I pay someone to come out and level my foundation and I come in the next day and it isn't level, you can bet your ass they're coming back to do it free of charge or we're going to court. If I pay you to do a job, then do the damn job. Plain and simple.

Yes, I am basically jealous of all these people that can afford ANY of these homes, but that doesn't change the fact that I think they're all naive idiots!

school pickup and drop off etiquette

Ok. So I know that the school year is ending or has already ended for many of you, so let this post be a guide for next school year if your child is a car rider. I'm going to say that I am THRILLED the year is ending. I need a couple months of recuperation from dealing with the idiots on the road today, especially when it comes time to drop off and pick up of our children from school.

I know that all schools are different, have different pick up and drop off areas and may or may not have parking spaces in a designated area. Before I get into my rant, let me tell you a little about my son’s designated area. When you pull in the school there’s a small parking lot for staff and visitors. If you keep driving, there’s a loop that circles around to the side of the school where parents drop off or pick up their children. There are cones outlining a one lane section to drive THROUGH. It’s just that simple. You drive around the loop, drop off your kid and keep moving. In the afternoons we line up in the loop and pick our kids up as they are released and we keep moving. Plain and simple. Sounds easy enough right? Not for some people apparently, so let’s get started.

Drop Off Etiquette:

1. Our school day begins at 7:50. This means they want the kids in their classrooms by this time, not getting out of the car or walking into the school at this time. We’ve been late, several times this year but nothing that would cause a letter or phone call home. However, this doesn’t stop me from giving my child a kiss goodbye in the morning. Yes. He’s 12. However, in the world we live in lately, I don’t know if this might be the last time I see him or he sees me so we’re sure to always say I love you and give a quick peck on the cheek before parting. We do not however, take 20 minutes to say goodbye. So if I’m taking 2 seconds to say goodbye to my son and you’re behind me, do NOT beep your horn at me to move, especially if your child isn’t even all the way out of your vehicle. If I’m late, then you’re super late which means you didn’t leave early enough and did this to yourself.

2. With one in place, let me also say, there is no need to take 20 minutes to say goodbye. As you’re pulling up, do what we do. Say goodbye and give loving words as you’re coming to a stop. Give a quick peck on the cheek as they’re opening the door. Push them out and keep on rolling. Ok, don’t actually push them out but you know what I mean.

3. To prevent delay in the drop off area, have your and your childs’ shit together. Either before you go to bed the night before, or before you leave your house in the morning, have their bag packed, papers signed, homework completed and so forth BEFORE you get to school. Have your childs bag in their lap when you pull in so your kid can unbuckle, jump out and head into the school.

4. You do not need to pull up and PARK in the drop off lane and walk your child in. It’s about 10 feet from your car to the school door. I promise they can walk it alone. In elementary schools there are usually staff members outside so your little one WILL be safe. If you absolutely have to go into the school, then park in the PARKING LOT. Do not block the area where everyone else has to drive through.

5. With all that being said, I can make exceptions for kids with special needs. However, if it’s a wheelchair concern, no offense but you can still park in the parking lot. There’s a very nice flat smooth concrete walkway all the way from the parking lot to the school entrance.

Pick up Etiquette:

1. Be patient. We’re all there to pick up our children and we cannot make administration let them out any faster just because your child got out of the building before mine. They have a system in which grade levels are let out in a certain order. There’s nothing that you or I can do about it but sit and wait on our kid to get out. No need to get angry with one another.

2. Get. Off. Your. Phone. Seriously. Please. Ok, if you got there 30 minutes early, I understand spending some of that time on your phone. However, if the line is moving, it’s time to put the phone down and pay attention. First of all, there are moving cars that you could hit or could hit you. Secondly, in my son’s case, 6^th grade is still elementary school (they’re small schools) so there are lots of little kids out there. Yes, there are staff members watching the children, but we all know how quickly children can get away. If you’re not paying attention, you could smush someone’s child, or even your own.

3. If your child is old enough to be in the school, they can open a door and buckle a seatbelt. There is absolutely no reason for you to get out, bring their book bag around to the other side of the vehicle and then walk back around to get them in. All unnecessary. They can get themselves and their bag in the vehicle and buckle their own seatbelt.

Please people. It really is that simple. Seriously. Things would move a lot smoother and a lot more quickly if we just follow these simple rules.

Transgenders In the Restroom: Just let them pee!

I just want to point out that I am so sick of seeing this shit in the media. It brings out the worst in people. It brings out pure hate and has really shown me lots of peoples’ true colors. If I’m sick of seeing it, why am I writing about it? I want to have my final say because I’m sick of people asking me my opinion or bringing it up in conversation.

Let’s first point out, that this is a media tactic to distract everyone from other PRESSING issues. Seriously. We have people trying to kill us. Cops are being gunned down every day. Every day people are being gunned down every day. Kids are being bullied in school. Children are dying from random illnesses. But no, all you can see in the media right now is this transgender bathroom bullshit.

With this current issue, people only seem to think about a man walking in a women's restroom and molesting their daughter or raping a woman. THIS IS HAPPENING REGARDLESS! A man, dressed as a man, walked into a women's bathroom and molested an 8 year old girl recently. Where exactly did transgender play into this? Think I’m making it up to make a point, check out the article here. This is happening all the time, all over the place and it’s not happening by transgender individuals. People seem to think that word automatically means “child molester” or “rapist.” No, for the most part, it’s individuals who feel they were born into the wrong body trying to make it right for themselves. Let them be dammit!

Let's look at it this way for a moment. This could actually REDUCE the amount of bathroom incidents. Parents might actually start being parents and going in the restroom with their children instead of sending them in alone while they do whatever in the store. I cannot even count how many times I have witnessed a parent or parents let their children, small children, no older than 6, go into a restroom alone while they continued to shop, eat, or converse with friends. These kids are too young to be going in the restroom alone anyway!

Single parents with children of the opposite gender would be able to take their small children to the restroom without worrying about it being a problem. A parent would be able to take their handicapped teenager to the bathroom without worry. I realize there are family restrooms and handicap bathrooms all over the place, HOWEVER, not every location has these and many of the handicap stalls are found in the GENDER SPECIFIC bathroom. Handicap or not, parents get horrible looks for taking their seemingly normal teenager or grown child to a restroom not suited for their gender.

People might actually become MORE aware of their surroundings and the people in it and actually pay attention. Am I saying that women deserve to be raped for going in THEIR restroom and some douche follows them in? NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT, but this world is going to hell and people still seem to think they're safe in a random place. Maybe if they're that scared of being molested, they'll pay more attention to who's in the bathroom with them.

Ok, I’m getting off my soap box now. I just think there are so many hate filled people in the world, that they only see one side of the issue.

great organizations tend to go downhill when politics and giant egos are involved

So I belong to an organization that helps out military personnel. Current and veterans. I'm not calling them out by name because knowing my luck I'd be sued for badmouthing them. Don't get me wrong, I still feel that it's a great organization, but the politics behind it, like everything else, SUCK. So if this comes off as a post that badmouths them, forgive me. I'm down with the idea behind the organization but over the years…well, it's gone downhill in my opinion and I know why people don't volunteer as much as they used to.

This organization used to be fantastic. You literally signed up, decided what you wanted to commit to sending or doing and you did it. Then the organization started falling short on money, so they say. First, they began charging members, VOLUNTEERS, $1 a month that's considered a donation which is supposed to verify that you're still a member. Basically, if you fail to do anything with the organization but you see $1 charge on your card, it lures you back to the site, to either get all weepy eyed and begin doing shit, or you tell them you no longer want to be a member. Nine times out of ten, people get weepy eyes and start doing shit again.

Then, they created a database where you're supposed to input how many letters, packages, estimated amounts, etc. that you've either done or paid for, while supporting the troops or veterans. No biggie. This works for everyone since charity donations are considered tax-deductible and this is all charity work. EXCEPT, when you receive your donation letter in the mail, you only get credit for the $12 (the $1 a month donation, amount depends on how many months of that year you were "donating"). The donation list reads something like

Month/Item	Estimated Value
January - letters/packages
February - letters/packages

and so forth for whatever months you did something. There is literally no amount present anywhere and you're supposed to write in what you think the value was for that month. Better keep all those receipts. However, unless you keep buy supplies solely for this organization once a year or keep track of every stamp, envelope, piece of paper and ink from a pen (and any embellishments you add), you're screwed. I personally do not buy stamps just for this organization and I won't lie and say I used all of my stamps on this organization when plenty of them went on bills. BLAH!

Then there are rules. If you're a member of a team that's only supposed to write letters, you're not allowed to send anything else. This team is a one-time letter deal. If the soldier wants to write back and correspond, so be it. However, if they ask you for items, or you just want to be nice and send them some warm socks, this is a no-no. Literally. You will be yelled at by those in charge if they see that your extra letter cost you $10 instead of $1.50 and demand to know what you sent and why. Um, if this was a one-time letter thing and my soldier CHOSE to write back and maintain a friendship, I think I'm entitled to send my friend whatever the hell I want to.

Another rule. No religion talk of any sort. We're told there's a special team for that. I'm not religious by any means. I honestly have no idea what I believe in, but it's more science than anything. However, if a soldier writes me back and tells me that me and God kept him from going over the edge after watching half his platoon be blown to bits, you can bet your ass I'll discuss his God with him. I understand we're not supposed to start religious talk because we could unintentionally preach atheism to a die-hard Christian, however, I feel STRONGLY that if they bring it up and want to talk about it, it's my duty to respond. After all, we're supposed to be supporting these individuals. I'll discuss anything they want. Well, damn near anything. Asking me for sex talk or nudes is completely out of the question. Correspondence ends there. Luckily I've never had that happen, so no bullets to dodge. Wow, that was a REALLY bad pun. SORRY!

This organization used to be about supporting our troops, their families, and veterans. Now it's all about who's allowed to demand what from whom and when. We're volunteers. We choose to take our time and spend it writing letters, mailing packages, showering military newbie moms with gifts and caregivers of soldiers with praise and pampering for all they do for their wounded soldier. It's not a "who's Johnson is bigger" contest. Get off your high horses and let us support them. I'm sure they won't be hurt by a pair of socks, or a friendly chat about Jesus, Buddha, or King Kong if that's who they worship. 

what the hell was I thinking???

So it took me four days to get straight to where I could actually type, make sense, sound like a real person again! All I can say, or question, is what the hell I was thinking???

Now I'm not doctor, but I can put two and two together and come out with five. Wait, no, it's four. It's four. Setting that aside, I know when something's wrong with me even if I don't know WHY it's wrong with me.

So for a year now I've been having stomach troubles. Alternating between diarrhea and constipation. Waking up in the middle of the night literally having to run to the bathroom. Gross right? Imagine living that life! It really sucks ass (no pun intended) to have to plan your meals around how long it'll take to upset your stomach. I missed a lot with friends and family because of bowel movements. So not the life I envisioned at the age of 31. I've also been suffering from severe indigestion for years but my regular doctor never referred me to a specialist. I've been on a medication for that for like two years that you're only supposed to be on for like two weeks at a time. No specialists, no second opinion (my fault), nothing. I've been on blood pressure meds for a year now.

Recently my doctor left town for another office elsewhere. I decided not to follow for various reasons. Ok, ok, I'm too broke and too busy/lazy to drive 50 miles one way to see a doctor unless it's a specialist since you don't have to see them often. Upon referral I started with a new physician closer to home. Just so everyone knows, I live in the boonies. The sticks. If my house were further off the road, people would swear we ate raw animals and produced moonshine for income. We don't. Anyhoo, on the first visit she decided to send me to a specialist to see if it's lactose intolerance, IBS, or something else. I haven't been yet as my appointment is a week from today.

Wellllllll, I was sitting here going through records while I was filling out paperwork for the GI specialist and it turns out that I've been on my BP meds as long as the stomach troubles have been occurring. Well duh! That has to be it. All my symptoms are after all, symptoms of these meds. I decided to stop taking them for a while. When I was first diagnosed with high BP, I never knew it until the doctor said "hey, your BP is awful high!" I've always had headaches and the occasional migraine but nothing that ever alerted me to any other problems. Apparently it was my BP. Anyway, point being, I stopped taking the meds.

For two weeks life was great! My BP was great every day. I had energy and no tummy troubles. It was great being able to eat again without worrying about missing a basketball game or a date night (not that we have many of those anyway) for fear of having to run to the bathroom or soil myself. I am ashamed to admit this happened more than once over the year. Thankfully never in public.

But what the hell was I thinking??? Coming off my meds without speaking to my doctor first was a huge mistake. Four days ago I got a migraine that left me for dead. Seriously. I laid in my bed, bawling like a baby which made things worse, sick to my stomach and even my tiny nightlight made my head pound. Yes, I have a nightlight. No. I'm not scared of the dark but we moved into our newly renovated master bedroom not too long ago and I got sick of stubbing my toe on the foot of the bed and tripping over the new rug. Falling face first into your own dresser gets tiring and damaging after a while.

After day two I gave up and took a BP pill. Nothing. I was expecting (more like hoping) it would work instantly. No such luck. I went one more day with a crippling migraine before I agreed to go to the ER if it wasn't better after a nights rest. Luckily, I woke up yesterday morning migraine free! No ER visit!!! Needless to say I'm back on my BP meds until I can visit my doctor and discuss a change in medication. I can't go through all that again.

Plus side is, my boyfriend felt sorry for me and got off his butt and cooked and cleaned and did all the laundry while I was down for the count. I told him I'd be sick for the next six months!!!

am I the only one who doesn't give a damn about Super Bowl Sunday???

Ah, Super Bowl 50 is upon us. Yay? At the moment, I really only care about college football. I don't know why. I was raised on it I guess. My father worked for the state highway department for years and every year they had conferences at Clemson University and he would bring us stuff back with Clemson all over them. I just kind of fell in love with that famous orange paw print. It became a love, almost an obsession. I'm not completely obsessed as my house isn't painted orange and purple and while we have plenty of Clemson clothing, there aren't a lot of Clemson items around our home. I follow the season every year. I'll get into arguments over my boys and I'm damn proud of how far they've come this past season. I'm hoping my son will aspire to go to Clemson one day but if he doesn't, I'm ok with that too.

If he chooses to play professional football, I'm screwed because I really know nothing about it. I get the logistics. I understand the game. While I might change my tune if he does play professional football, what I don't understand is the money! Don't get me wrong, these men work hard. They work hard as hell. I know they train a lot, and I mean, a lot. They get beat up, pushed around and hurt. I however don't understand why they get SO much. The average NFL player salary per year is $1.75 MILLION. That's the AVERAGE! That's factoring in little to no name players. That's not even giving an idea of what a big shots salary is. Aaron Rogers' 2016 Average is $22 million. He has the highest 2016 average salary. The lowest is Nick Boyle at $611,564. Seriously? Minimum wage in this country is forcing people to seek government assistance and there are people starving, homeless, jobless, etc. Then you have football players making enough money to support entire states. I just feel that it's unacceptable. Now again, there might be a change in my tune if the boy wonder plays professional ball and takes care of his dear loving wonderful amazing mother one day!

damn you groundhog!

I know what you're thinking. If you don't give a shit about the damn groundhog, why are you writing a post about him?

Well, because I want to. That's really all there is to it.

Seriously though, why is an animal telling us whether we'll have winter for six more weeks or not? And why do people actually believe an animal can predict the weather when skilled meteorologists tend to be wrong, A LOT!

This "holiday" isn't even on any of my calendar's that came with holiday's pre-printed, including my go-to Google calendar. That's saying a lot right there.

He's a caged animal so to speak. I mean, he lives in an area that he's not really allowed to leave and only allowed to emerge from ONE hole to predict the weather.

He only has a 39% accuracy. Don't believe me? Check it out! Seriously, go do some research.

People actually travel from all over to Pennsylvania to see a groundhog come out the ground. Seriously people, you can walk outside in the country and see this, free of charge. I should know as we live in the middle of nowhere. They LOVE our yard. Thank you for the huge holes you fuzzy rodent freaks.

December 2015 - 30 Days of Lists

Day 1: December is for…

I composed my list based on family traditions.

- Reflections

- Holiday decorations

- Lego calendar

- Extra time with my “baby” boy

- More family than I want (lol)

- Bonfires

- Creativity

- Shopping

- TURKEY

- Japanese cuisine

- Festive of Lights

- Giving

Day 2: New things I tried this year

- Eating better

- Lots of new recipes

- Selling MyThirtyOne

- Living without soda

- Saving money

Day 3: Ways to spread cheer

- Donate

- Feed the homeless

- Holiday cards

- Bakes goods

- Just be there for someone in need

Day 4: Ways to survive “Christmas” season

- Daily deal sites

- Start shopping in July (lol, but seriously)

- Budget, budget, budget

- Stick to budget

- Seriously! Stick to the damn budget!

- DO NOT PURCHASE ELF ON THE SHELF

- Wine

- More wine

Day 5: Favorite songs right now

- Hello – Adele

- Burning House – Cam

- Can’t Feel My Face – The Weeknd

- Kick the Dust Up – Luke Bryan

- Fight Song – Rachel Platten

- Black Magic – Little Mix

- New Americana – Halsey

Day 6: Ways to be creative

- Make a new food dish

- Create your own Christmas cards

- Journaling

- Coloring

- Decorate cupcakes (personal favorite)

- Make your own laundry pods

- Nature hike (make a collage of finds)

Day 7: How to battle a case of the Mondays

- Plenty of rest

- CAFFEINE!

- Good music

- Weekly countdown!

Day 8: Headlines I would like to read

- Shemar Moore and Robin Strickland to wed on Christmas

- Wars End, All Soldiers to Return Home

- Eating Cookies Makes You Skinny!

- Nation No Longer Butthurt Over Every Little Thing

Day 9: I love how I…

- Can be a friend when needed

- No longer take anyone’s bullshit

- Mind my own business

Day 10: Favorite reads this year

- The Shunning

- The Confession

- The Reckoning

- Decked

- Meteor Storm

Day 11: Things I changed this year

- Eating habits

- Sleeping habits

- Realizing who my real and true friends are

- The way my house looks

Day 12: How I Prepare for Family Time

- Wine

- Anxiety meds

Seriously! That’s all I got. My family is certifiable!

Day 13: Good Investments 

- Amazing friends

- Your children

- Fake Christmas tree purchased RIGHT AFTER CHRISTMAS!

- Digital camera

- Education

- Volunteering

- Reading everything

- Pets (if treated right they’ll be your most loyal friend)

- Having fun!

Day 14: Ways to Stay Warm (or Cool!)

Seeing as I have lived through several South Carolina summers with no air conditioning and a 100 degree house, I’m going to go with ways to stay cool.

- Sweet iced tea

- Spray bottles of water and a fan

- Bowl of ice in front of said fan

- Swimming pool

- Water hose outside

- As few clothes as possible

Day 15: How to tell if I like you…

- I’m a sarcastic ass around you and with you

- I actually laugh at your jokes instead of looking at you like you’re an idiot

- Um, I talk to you! Lol

- I remember things you tell me

Day 16: Let's go…

- Fishing

- Swimming

- Drinking

- To bed! Lol

- On a real date

- On a vacation

Day 17: What are your favorite things to wear?

- Jeans

- Flip flops

- t-shirts

- my nightgowns are cozy as well and if I’m home that’s all I’m in! lol

- hoodies

- ankle length maxi dresses

- anything Clemson

- boots

- my black cotton dress pants, at least I think that's what they're called. They’ve become all around the house pants now and they are sooooo comfortable!

Day 18: I am waiting for…

- Money to fall into my lap! I’ll take anything! Lol

- People to change. I know, it’s not going to happen.

- Myself to wake up and realize some shit will always be this way unless I change it myself.

Day 19: Overrated trends

- The Kardashians

- Elf on the Shelf

- Sayings like “deez nuts”

- Crazy names for children, stop naming your kids after fruits and your wants, KASH, APPLE, need I say more?

- One sided media stories

- Racism (yes, this seems to be a trend these days, everyone is quick to jump on the racism bandwagon whether it’s warranted or not)

- Reality TV

- Hashtags

- Selfie sticks

Day 20: I have plenty of…

- Shoes

- Notebooks

- Pens and pencils

- Useless junk (most of it’s gone now since we started cleaning and remodeling the house)

- Photos

- Nail polish

- Jamberry wraps

- Electronics

Day 21: Signs I am “the only female in my house”

- I’m the only one that cares when the house smells funny.

- I’m the only one who cares about made beds and clean clothes.

- I’m the only one who actually thinking about adding anything to a shopping list. Everyone else would wash with water and no soap if I didn’t shop!

- I’m always running late because of everyone else, no matter how quiet I am or how much I yell.

- I’m the only one who can ever find anything even when the searching party is standing right next to the “lost” object.

Day 22: I need another pair of arms to 

- Cook, do laundry and clean the house all at once

- Plan, work on the computer and my budget all at once

Day 23: Say yes to

- Having fun

- Sleeping late

- Indulging in that extra doughnut

- Learning new things

- Making new friends

- Trying new things

Day 24: How I can help others

- Taking care of myself – when I’m happy I give my all but when I’m unhappy or having a rough day, I’ll still do what I can to help but it’ll be half-assed

- Donate money, items, etc.

- Send greeting cards and letters to military personnel

- Listen to them

Day 25: Favorite gifts to give

- Handmade items

- Money

- Candy

- Hand baked goodies

- Personalized items fitted to the receivers likes

- Dinner at my house (we do this OFTEN)

- Helping with a bill they need paid or something they want and have mentioned but won’t outright ask for and won’t buy for themselves

Day 26: Things that can wait until tomorrow

- Laundry

- Dishes

- Shopping

- Facebook!

Day 27: My favorite things about this time of year

- Peppermint everything

- Vanilla hot chocolate

- Christmas lights

- My aunt’s venison chili

- Deep fried turkey for TWO holidays!

- Lemon squares!

- Japanese, Krispy Kreme and the Festival of Lights

Day 28: How to push my buttons

- Tell me you’ll do something and then become unreachable

- Interrupt me more than once and realize you’re doing it but choose not to stop

- Spending more of my money than I allowed you to when I handed you my bank card

- Whining about how shitty your life is, don’t go there. We all have problems and we’re all trying to survive

- Ignoring me when I’m trying to talk to you but then expecting me to listen to everything you have to say

- Stand in the middle of a store aisle talking instead of shopping and then looking at me, seeing that I want to get by and then going back to your conversation

- Whipping over in front of me then slowing down to turn

- People who don’t use turn signals

- Treating me like a child, I’m 31, I’ve been through enough and taken care of enough people already to know what the hell I’m doing

Day 29: Resolutions I kept

- No resolutions to break because I don’t make them!

Day 30: Highlights of 2015

- Reconnecting with an amazing friend and her husband

- Finally got my master bedroom

- Finally calling quits to a toxic friendship

Bonus Day 31: 2016 will be the year for…

To me this sounds kind of like a resolution list and I don’t tend to make resolutions because I think people should change, if they choose to, for the better, not just for one year. Yes, I’ve heard that changing one little habit can change someone for the better or the worse and for long-term but not in my world… This year however, I’ve decided there are things I want to change in general so I’m making some life resolutions to include here.

- Lose more weight (I lost 40lbs in 2015 so it’s a start already)

- Eat differently. I can’t necessarily say eat “better” because what’s considered good for you one day is considered bad for you the next day and vice versa. For me this means cutting out sodas and drinking more water and eating more fruit. I feel better when I eat fruit, drink water, and have baked or crock pot meals instead of fried foods and candy/salty snacks.

- Not share and post everything on Facebook.

- Cook more at home and eat out less. 2015 was terrible for us. We ate out A LOT because of scheduling, laziness and sickness.

- Plan better. This will allow me to be more efficient with my time as well as help me cook better because I can plan around sports and such.

- Spend more time with my son and pay more attention. His attitude is getting terrible and he’s growing up fast. I need to try to keep him grounded and a good kid while I still have time.