Day 19 - I feel coziest when

This morning Tony and I were arguing, again, like usual, and Antonio's response like always was "I love you but you don't believe me." It pisses me off because all I can think is, "love is not always enough, it doesn't pay the bills, or fix the house and cut the grass." Sitting here now, I'm thinking maybe it is. I mean, when you love each other, you do things for each other. You cut the grass because it's part of taking care of home. You think about the other person and their thoughts, feelings, belongings, etc. My parents' stuff that he burned, trashed, or let ruin. If he loved me, he'd have thought about that stuff enough to protect it.

I don't think I can do this anymore. I found out when I thought he went to work yesterday, and he told me he was helping Blake, that he actually did go to work. Then he tells me "I told you I went to get a truck for Jason." No, that's not what he said. He said he went to help Blake pick up a truck and he was getting paid for it because he needed the money with all the stuff coming up. Why lie about that? He literally lies about EVERYTHING now. Seriously. Nothing that comes out of his mouth is honest. I mean, nothing. It makes no sense. I also found out that he's driving my truck back and forth to work because he volunteered to do so. It wasn't because the work truck is messed up, it's because Tony said he would drive the personal vehicle back and forth. This is so he can do what he wants when he gets off or run around while at work. Everyone that rides with him gives him money for gas plus his check. Where's all the money going? Seriously! If I could trust him just a little, it might be worth sticking around but I can't trust him at all! I guarantee if he leaves here Saturday alone saying he's going to his mom's birthday thing, that he won't be anywhere near there. I can't do this anymore. I stay stressed and always waiting on a motherfucker to be here for me. It's ridiculous!!